Saying goodbye is letting go and i’m not good at letting go. I wanted to write a whole blogpost about dealing with it and how I feel but honestly letting go is taking a wear on me and I need to just get on and do it. I need to stop avoiding the pain and just go headstrong into it. I’m starting over again. I’ve attempted multiple times, I wouldnt say that I was fully successfull but I made it to the other side. I’m ready to try new things meet new people and experiance new things. This year might be difficult and it might not be difficult but I can’t keep predicting the future to help my self deal with letting go. I’m also letting go of certain ideas of myself. I want to be happy with who I am because not being happy with myself is one thing that holds me back and makes me feel depressed. I just want to do things. No constraints just go for it. Redefine letting go for myself. I don’t have to reflect because I don’t want to look back anymore. You know the easiest thing about this whole process? Everyone else is starting over too. My parents are moving back to San Diego becuase my dad is retiring and all my friends are moving on from High School.
I just wanted to say thank You so much for following me through the year on this blog. This blog was my place to feel connected to people and get feedback from people. I cant wait to look back and see my process to where I am now.
What am I doing now you ask? I don’t really know. I know at the moment i’m looking for a job with some help. I plan to work all summer then move into London and or the outside and work all yr to save up for college next year. I might reapply to Central Saint Martins or keep with my commitment to Camberwell. Idk but I have a plan, support, and myself.
So this is goodbye my friends. If your not ready to say bye you can follow me on my instagram and my various photography sites.
Blogs: firstname.lastname@example.org/. Cargocollective.com/munesumukombe
How far you’ve come.
The middle of your high school career was shattered by the lost of your one love. Yet, after many thoughts of how you couldn’t live without him and thinking many times how easy it would be to hurt yourself, here you are. You’re alive and somewhat happy. You have to constantly remind yourself that he is gone and it hurts. But you now lay in the arms of someone new. Someone who snores, but isn’t your father.
You’ve grown. You’ve become tired of living for others and have finally began living for yourself. It took 17 years. You may lose your closest friend over it, but what else can be done? You will make your decisions, and they will be good or they will be bad. But they are yours. And you will learn.
In a week or so, you will graduate high school. Your father will hand you your diploma and you will cry and realize that it is all finally over. All the hurt and all the good times are in the past. You’ve been branded an Islander for the rest of your life. And you will miss everyone so fucking much.
Be wise. Be kind. Be everything you couldn’t be now. Get what you want and not care how. Offend who you have to and let the true people stay. Never hide who you are for anyone. Not even the one you care for greatly. Who shattered your heart and then swept it all back up. Be careful about him- he’s shifty and aggressive. But he has a good heart.
Your life in High School is over. A new one, the adult one, is about to begin. And I wish you all the luck in the world.
In 1 day, you will have your last Islander Awards as a student. In 3 days, you will go to Disneyland for the last time as a child, and probably the last time for a very very long time. In 4 days, you will have my last day of high school ever. In 4 days, you will no longer eat lunch in Laura’s kitchen every single day. In 9 days, you will graduate. In 9 days, you will turn 18. In 9 days, you will say goodbye to your teachers, to your classrooms, to the monotonous rhythm of traveling the 3 blocks to school every day. In 9 days, you are no longer a child, no longer the “property” of your parents. In 9 days, you will be your own property, your own responsibility, with no one to blame except yourself. In 9 days, you will be a high school graduate and you will be officially in charge of yourself. In 9 days, you will say goodbye to the large amount of kids in your grade that have made your life a living hell since kindergarten. In 9 days, the bell schedule that has been burned into your mind for 4 years will slowly start to fade. In 9 days, you can delete all of the obnoxious alarms from your phone. In 9 days, you will walk out of the darkened quad with the 250 graduates and crying parents and tired teachers and you will no longer be able to call it your school, but only the school that you once attended. In 9 days, you will leave the mosaic that you poured my heart into, your name on the wall for eternity. In 9 days, you will leave the green tardy passes and the ceramics room and the infamous Dungeon. In 9 days, you will say goodbye to your favorite place in the school, and perhaps the entire town, your art classroom. In 9 days, you will get drunk and probably cry and be ecstatic but probably scared. Because in 9 days, the cumulative pain and torture of high school probably won’t seem as bad as it was, and you’ll miss it a little bit, just because it’s all you’ve ever known. In 9 days, you’re going to have to remember that this little tiny town isn’t all that there is out there, and the habit of high school and these people isn’t all that the world has to offer. In 9 days, the “fun” of your youth will be over, but your real life will just be beginning. In 9 days, the world won’t end just because high school is ending. In 9 days, you’ll be a real person.
You hated high school. You’ve been ready to leave since you were 12. You love your friends and your memories but you hate it here, you hate the monotony and the culture and the people. You hate the sand and the conservative attitude. You hate being forced to learn about subjects that you find useless and you hate the lack of change.
In 85 days, you move into your dorm room. In 85 days, you meet new people, you move across the country, and you are on your own for the first time longer than 6 weeks. In 85 days, you create yourself over again, but you will always be the same as you always have been. In 85 days, you’ll still talk to your best friend constantly and you’ll still get stupid emails from your brother and you’ll still cuddle Rags every night.
Life is not made up of these defining moments, but it is fluid. Even if your life seems to change in an instant, it was changing long before that.
Bye nostalgia. Bye everything. Bye you.
This is it. And it’s a lot less important than it seems.
I love you,
I’ve known you for 5 years and I can honestly say no one knows me better. You know every single part of me the good parts just as well as the bad. I never thought that I would make such a good friend. I love you so much and I don’t even know how to classify you. I cant call you a brother cause we say so much sexual shit to each other.I cant call you a boyfriend because we havent kissed (and thats the only reason lol). All I know is you’re a huge part of my life and will always be.
We never get mad at each other and if we do its for an hour. Then we’re all over each other. I wish you had told me you had a girlfriend or friendly friend whatever it is that you guys are. Im not sure why you didn’t but I hope you remember to next time. I love you for apologizing to me. I know that you’re strong willed and don’t apologize so it meant a lot.I’m really proud of all your accomplishments. I know it was hard for you moving to Kentucky and abandoning me and our school. But look how much you’ve accomplished. And I couldn’t be prouder of you for all of your achievements.
We are coming together really well as people. I think we both trust each other blindly and always have each others backs. I don’t know that I’ve loved someone outside of my family as much I love you. You never judge me instead you just tell me what you want for me and see if I agree with it. I can’t wait to see how far our friendship goes. I know we’ll be best friends forever.
good luck boo thang Love you always,
We’ve been friends since the eighth grade but not as close as we are now. You’ve seen me at my worst and I’ve seen you at yours, and yet here we are still friends. You used to be really quiet and standoffish and uninviting, and you still are but not nearly as much. You’re starting to open up to me and showing me your true colors and I am not surprised as other people might be that you are such a sensitive, intelligent, caring soul.
I will admit I’ve been quite frustrated with you because you keep your emotions so hidden within yourself,even with me, the girl who has even by your side every day this year, but I’m learning to accept that maybe you just don’t feel like talking about some things sometimes and even though the mystery drives me crazy I am willing to deal with it until you’re ready to talk. I’m not completely sure what it is that draws me to you, whether it be your creativity or the care you take in presenting yourself or how you manage to make me smile even when I’m feeling miserable. But whatever it is it’s strong and I can’t seem to stop thinking about you or worrying about you or just flat out caring about you.
I wish more people would appreciate you and I wish you would let more people appreciate you. I wish we could stay together next year but I know it’s important that both of us branch out and discover what life has in store for us. I’m so completely scared to move to a new place without the friend who has been here with me every step of the way, but at the same time I am excited that he finally has a chance to find the happiness that he deserves. I know you’ll excel in whatever it is you decide to do and I support you 100%. Whatever happens to our friendship, please know I’ll always be happy to keep in touch with you and that you’ll always be in my heart.
We’re supposed to write about awareness, about issues. There are so many things that I feel really strongly about, but I think one topic that has become really relevant in the media within the past couple months has been sexual violence, especially concerning teenagers.
It’s starting to seem as though these horrific rape cases being perpetrated by young teenagers are becoming the norm. I know that victim blaming has always been a problem, but some of the things I’ve been reading and seeing and watching lately have been truly unsettling.
With the Steubenville case, for starters, the way members of the town stood by the boys. Defended the boys. The way the press and the way that people were emphasizing to a ridiculous extent the way that the victim was intoxicated.
That’s something I don’t understand. Drunk or sober, we shouldn’t be having this conversation, but even if the victim is drunk, shouldn’t that just give more of an incentive to watch out for him/her? It does not take any responsibility off the attackers, it places more on them. And for the horrible people trying to make these teenage victims out as partying, trashy sluts: STOP. I know teenage girls and boys who drink and I know teenage girls and boys who like sex. It’s normal, frankly. And it is no where near the horrible, destructive crimes that rape and sexual assault are.
It’s awful that people blame alcohol and promiscuity and drugs for assaults like this. That people give excuses for other people who lack basic human decency. And these cases, the way people have reacted to them, sends a horrible message to teenage boys (I don’t mean to imply that all rapists/attackers are male, but it’s true that a vast majority are), sets such a low standard for them.
Forgiving these criminals, excuse after excuse for their inexcusable actions, it’s telling young boys that they aren’t smart enough, civilized enough, good enough NOT to rape. That they are so animalistic that they can’t help themselves and that we expect nothing more. Teenage boys on the whole are smart enough and kind enough and good enough, they deserve to be held to a higher standard and deserve to be held accountable if they attack another human being.
I think it’s time that we as a society and as a people move forward from the way we’ve responded to these crimes. Enough of excusing the attackers. Enough of the victim blaming. We’re better than this, we’re smarter than this. I’m done with people normalizing crimes like this. We’re at the point where a 16 year old violating another 16 year old and posting photos on the internet is not shocking anymore. We’re so used to it and that’s scary and that has to change.
Let us be blunt, shall we: What do I care about? I care about abortion (aka a woman’s right to control her own life and body), I care about encouraging necessary life skills to grow in people… For example - shy people irritate me and I think they are much more rare than we are lead to believe and basically “don’t believe” in shyness (I do, but I tell people I don’t when I think they are faking for attention); and math literacy is just as important as reading/writing, so when people say “I’m just not good at math” it SHOULD be just as unacceptable as “Oh sorry, I’m not good at reading, would you please read me that out loud?”; and whining about “fairness” and retribution on matters as small as points on grades after a certain point is just a way of telling the world that your parents lied to you too much and hugged you too little as a child, that is it; and that people who behave childish will not survive long in an adult world, so grow the fuck up and start dealing politely with irritating people. Seriously.
Banana Slugs do their yin-yang thing
Last you heard from me I was dead set on becoming an Oregon duck.
But guess what? I’ve actually committed to UC Santa Cruz! I’m going to be a banana slug! Trust me, the mascot is a lot cuter than the actual slug!
The trip went great! I have to admit, I had my doubts about it when we were making the 8 hour long drive from hell (LA traffic is the devil), but boy was I wrong about it! What an underrated school!
First of all, the campus is basically 2,000 acres of pure beauty. Part of it is in the middle of a freaking red wood forest! Walking through those magestic trees in the afternoon Santa Cruz mist is an experience like no other. It almost has a campsite feel to it.The school itself is quite pretty as well, and the set up is very unique which I found intriguing.
Basically, your freshman year you have to affiliate yourself with one of ten colleges. Each college has a different style housing and a theme. You choose which college you’d like to be associated with based on location, aesthetics, and whatever theme you connect with the most because you’re required to take a core writing class based on said theme freshman year. I really like that idea, because it basically creates a smaller group for you to fit in with within the giant school. Since I’ve been living in the same small town and attending the same tiny schools my whole life, I know going to such a huge university is going to be quite a shock, and I really appreciate their efforts on creating more close knit communities to make everyone feel at home.
Also, there is the money issue. Santa Cruz will give me in-state tuition, plus some military perks from my dad. Those things combined and hopefully some scholarship money will ultimately make Santa Cruz much much much cheaper than Oregon. I hate that money is such a large deciding factor, but that’s reality and I think it’s only for the best that I stay in California to avoid debt as much as possible.
I’m still undecided on my major, but I’m not too worried right now. My plan is to take a wide variety of classes and mingle with people, which will hopefully spark something inside me. I feel like these days people expect us to have all of our shit together, but honestly, I’m not even eighteen years old yet and even if I was, I don’t believe eighteen year olds are always capable of deciding their entire future anyway. Not to offended any clear minded eighteen year olds, because I know there are many people my age who have the rest of their lives planned out and I completely respect their goals and aspirations, but I am a big believer in the unpredictability of life. I’ve experienced it firsthand as well as witnessing others experiencing it, and I feel that especially now it is impractical to close your mind to one specific path because of the fluidity of nature and life.
So with an open mind and a whole lot of excitement and nerves I prepare for the finale of my high school career. Now that I know where I’m going I feel a bit more confident and a lot more sick of tedious high school work. Luckily I’ve been pretty in control of my senioritis so far; hopefully I can persevere through graduation. Wish me luck!
I care about animals. The thought of them being hurt makes me really upset. I know there is stuff like puppy mills and pet stores mistreat their dogs. They do not let them out to go to the bathroom or on walks. They are in the cages twenty four seven. They also learn to become very vicious. They tear up things. It’s generally unhealthy.
I also care about abortion. Women who have no say in what they do with their bodies. Men should not be allowed to dictate what they should be able to do with the children they do not want to have. Fetuses are not yet people- so they do not deserve the right of a person. If the mother does not want to take care of the baby, or cannot afford to take care of it, she should be allowed to terminate the pregnancy.
It’s obvious that I get flared up more on one thing than another. Animals and women are very different species. But I care equally. It’s hard to explain and this is probably really offensive, but I care. I wish I could take all the animals in the world and bring them into my house and keep them all as happy, safe pets. I think only then I would be happy with the way the world is- and of course, once women get a say about their bodies.
This post is confusing.
I also think gay marriage is another flame that must be rekindled. Everyone deserves to be happy and married. It sucks that fear from religion prevents this from happening. It just really grinds my gears.
There are my issues.
I actually care.
I have a problem with you if you are awkward and shy to the point of utter rudeness, and you are un-apologetically so: You aren’t trying to fix or change that flaw in your character, your lack of the basic skills necessary to interact sufficiently with other human beings. If you are awkward past the point of rudeness, shy past the point of rudeness, you need to be actively working on fixing that. You can’t just accept yourself as “An Awkward Person, and that’s just who I am so BLEH”. If you are cripplingly so, past the point of rudeness, you need to grow up and learn how to conduct yourself in the adult-world setting of a conference room or discussion of mature minds. Using adult words.
I have gotten into writing one poem every day as a rule/habit. Here’s what I wrote to spark this rant.
It’s awful, don’t hate me for it.
The inaudible murmurs of that cripplingly shy creature
Are not cute,
Are not charming,
Are not sweet -
They are a vice.
The flawed symptoms of an illness to be fought.
Miss Shyness McAwkward is not helpless but flawed -
Awkwardness and social illiteracy is rude and a problem on should be actively trying to fix,
Not a cute little quirk…
Requirements for the job titled “Adult Life”:
Proficiency with words and expressing opinions. To other human beings.
PS I know this will piss off the entirety of Tumblr population. Don’t care. There’s a difference between being cute awkward, or somewhat awkward, and being unable to express any kind of thought to other human beings through verbal mediums. It’s one thing to be quiet and goofy with friends, quite another to be anti-confrontational past the point of rudeness.
SHE SAID YES! :D
My school’s step team helped me ask Alex to prom during half time of my school’s basketball game. :)
Hey Tumblrrrrrrrrrrr, this is Jalen! :D
Earlier in January my mom found out she got a job that she desperately wanted! But it’s in Texas…
Meanwhile in Texas, the school I had been dying to get into pretty much told me I couldn’t go to their main campus until after I completed their coordinated admissions program at one of their other campus. I was distraught and I admit I cried (with great reason I think). I just felt not good enough and it was not a good feeling to know that the one school I wanted to go to didn’t feel I was ready or whatever I felt at the time…
Then, at the very last basketball game of the season, I asked my friend to prom and she said yes!
Then, Winter Sports ended and I officially turned in my mascot costume and cheerleading uniform :/ I always hate the end of things. But with the end of Cheer season, came the beginning of Track&Field season! :D
I started doing hurdles which I think works for me. I do the 300m hurdles but I refuse to do the 110m hurdles because I am not a sprinter, I am a mid-distance runner and the hurdles are too high and ain’t nobody got time for that! But i also do the 800m dash and I’ve beat my old personal record and got 2minutes 22 seconds, I got 1minute 03 seconds for the 400 meter dash, and I’m an alternate for the 4x800relay team which WILL be going to the state meet and I’m on the 4x200relay team but we need work lol
This Saturday is prom, so ‘ll have pictures to share! :D
The end of the year is upon us and I hope I am able to keep my straight A’s because senioritis has already started to drag me through the dirt (which is no longer covered in snow thankfully!)
But I got my housing assignments for University of Texas and I’ve seen my roommates! One is a cheerleader and runs, so we have that in common, the other one plays hockey but the only thing I know about the third is that he has a Captain America costume lmao…
See you next week!
I’m finally getting out of this hellhole. High School is soon going to be a not so fond memory at the back of my mind, and I’m going to be moving on with my life. Away from my cultish little school. Away from where I live, if it all goes well. Not too far- just up North.
I’ve applied to Grossmont Community College and obivously been accepted. Community Colleges have a 100 percent acceptence rate, but to go you have to register and attend classes I think. I’m going to get my general ed out of the way there and then I will hopefully transfer off to SDSU. My mom works there, so I’ll probably get a little discount on my tuition. I’m most likely going to get my bachelor’s in English and start teaching. Like my dad.
But my dream job? I’m going to work at Disneyland Resort. Not hopefully. Going to. In my second year of CC I’ll probably apply for the Disney College Program and hopefully get accepted to that. They’ll remember me later and hire me again. Then I’ll live out my dream until I’m old and gross and dead.
If not… English Teacher to high school hopefully. Just like my dad- juniors, hopefully. And not at Coronado. Gross, no.
I think that’s hopefully how my life’s going to go. I know life can throw a few curveballs, but I’d really like this to work out. I’m too immature to work anywhere else. I love it so much there that I can’t really see myself cooped up.
This past year has been really difficult. Failing tests, my family life falling apart, a general lack of moral. But finally, finally, it’s all starting to go right.
As I wrote a year ago here, my post high school plans include studying film and/or television in college.
This fall I applied to six schools throughout the country for film production. And this Friday, I received my final decision. Somehow, somehow, I’m choosing between Emerson College and NYU Tisch. What.
I’ve actually realized a lot throughout this college application process.
Lesson one. No experience is no excuse. I have taken zero film classes, I have yet to use Final Cut, I don’t even own my own tripod. But I spent hours and hours on my film portfolios, hours figuring out how to work with what I have, teaching myself to edit videos and edit music. If you have something you want to do, but for some reason you’re too scared to even start (maybe you feel like everyone else is too far ahead of you or you don’t have the right equipment or materials) FIND A WAY. It’s possible. Don’t give up before you’ve even started. I sound so tacky and condescending, but I nearly did give up. I felt like I had no idea what I was doing and everyone else did. But a little dedication goes a long way. Don’t be afraid to try.
Lesson two. Rejection isn’t the end. I was rejected from Chapman and I wasn’t devastated, I was scared. Up until that point, I had heard back positively from two safety schools, but Chapman was the first big film school and they said no. And I was terrified, absolutely terrified, that that indicated I wouldn’t get in anywhere else. But apparently Chapman was wrong, and some other great, great schools saw potential and yada yada yada WHO NEEDS CHAPMAN ANYWAYS?
I’m ranting a bit, but to be honest, these past few days (ever since I heard back from NYU) have been amazing, I’ve been so, so happy. I’m proud of myself and excited for my future and surprised and shocked, but I’ve been ready for something to go right for a long, long time.
And now, now I’m so lucky to have this amazing decision in front of me. So lucky. I’ll let you know what happens!
Ps. If you’re bored: